the Masculinity of Al-Khidr

One of my favorite figures from the Quran and hadiths and a man who I think embodies a kind of no frills masculinity refined to its quintessence is Khidr. He was literally the most knowledgeable man in the world, more knowledgeable than Nabi Musa, but he was a complete unknown. Off the grid, Anonymous. Even Allah didn't mention his name in the Quran. He just referred to him as one of our slaves.

Learn from this that men of genuine value and worth and skill and talent don't seek fame and renown. They just seek to be useful. He didn't talk much and he didn't like much talk. That's a core masculine trait. He acted decisively based on his knowledge action, and he didn't care about anyone's perception about what he did when he knew what the right thing to do was.

He was absolute in the rules that he set for himself and his code, and he was strict in the requirements he had regarding his interactions with others, which he did not hesitate to enforce. When someone breached his code, he walked away without a second thought. He was curt but civil, and he instantly knew what people meant even if it was cloaked in vague or deniable language. Like, take note of the fact that the last question that Nabi Musa asked him, the one that led to the parting of their ways wasn't actually a question. Just said, you know, you could have taken some kind of remuneration or compensation for having repaired that wall.

Immediately identified that as the third question because Nabi Musa was actually asking him, why didn't you take remuneration or compensation for having fixed that wall? It actually was a question. It just wasn't phrased as one. Now this is something women do all the time. They don't say what they mean and men have to learn how to decipher their vagueness.

Like if they say, what would you like for dinner? They're not actually wondering what you would like. They already have something in mind and they want you to say the thing that they want to make. This is a common way that women communicate, indirectly, in almost a kind of code, but men should be able to see through it and understand what's really being said. Women's motives are often cloaked in layers of obfuscation and you have to be able to identify what's really going on.

And again, this is not a criticism. I'm not saying that they're being devious. Sometimes you have to identify what's going on with them because they themselves cannot identify what's going on with them. Like, for example, if a woman says that she doesn't have enough time to do the things that she wants to do, it can sometimes mean that she doesn't actually know what she wants to do, and what she's actually frustrated about isn't her time or lack of time, it's her lack of direction. She's just making time as an excuse for not knowing what she's supposed to do.

So be like Khidr. Try to always know what's going on beneath the surface. Take actions based on what you know, focus on the reality on the ground, and don't worry about perception. That's a man.