You Look the Direction You Are Going

Okay. So last time I talked about the so called dowel bros online. We're always having a go at women who aren't their responsibility. Now let me clarify, though it shouldn't be necessary. I didn't say that anything and everything that those women do is fine.

I said it's not your business. It's not your business to be advising sisters who have who have who have male relatives who look after them. It's not fine what they do, but it's not your problem. See, enjoining good and forbidding evil is a vital aspect of Islam. It's a duty.

And because it's so vital and because it's a duty, it isn't left to just random implementation. There are rules for that. There's a system for that. There's a delegation of responsibility, a delegation of authority. And if you don't understand that, then you're the last person who needs to be trying to advise anybody.

But let me talk to the to the brothers now who individually take it upon themselves to, you know, slide into the DMs or into the comment section of sisters that they see online on social media or what have you. Maybe dressed inappropriately, maybe not wearing a hijab, maybe doing what you think is. You comment or you message these sisters with your so called, alleged sincere advice, presenting yourself as someone who just, you know, genuinely cares about their deen, you know. You're a beautiful Muslim queen, and you shouldn't be displaying yourself for all to see or whatever. Whatever chat up line you use, because that's what it is, let's be honest.

You're chatting her up. You're not trying to get her relationship with Allah back on track. You're trying to get yourself on track to a relationship with her. Let's put all pretenses aside here. You want to talk to her, and is the excuse you use to do so.

It's the excuse you use, and it's the avatar that you want when you approach her. You know? It's like someone else who's who's chatting up a girl while he's leaning on a Lamborghini because you think it he he thinks it makes him look rich, and thinks that that looking rich makes him more appealing. Well, you're presenting yourself as a potentially righteous and caring and you think that that makes you more appealing. Islam is the Lamborghini that you're leaning on to chat with her.

That's what you're doing. And look, I'm not blaming you for being attracted to a Muslim sister. That's a perfectly natural thing. But let's drill down on this for a second and see what's really going on here. Okay?

First of all, you know perfectly well that this is not the way we do things. Like I said, we have a system. But this is the obvious part. Let let let me talk about the less obvious part. You are messaging a girl or commenting on, some girl's social media, trying to get her attention, and you're using as your vehicle, which means that what caught your attention is her need for In other words, the very thing that you want to advise her against is the thing that got you interested in the first place.

I e her lack of compliance with what you think is the correct behavior in Islam. That's what got your attention. That's what got you interested. That's what made you comment on her post. That's what made you DM her.

Well, a righteous brother who wants a righteous wife is not gonna respond that way when he sees symptoms, something like that. He's gonna know, okay, this girl's not for me. Meanwhile, that's exactly what got you sniffing around this girl. You see? Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala told us that marriage is like for like.

It's righteous for righteous and unrighteous for unrighteous. You understand? That's Allah telling you that a relationship is not a fixer upper project. It's not a remodeling job. Someone who's whole doesn't marry someone who's broken because let me tell you, a broken person is just like broken glass, and you're gonna cut yourself up if you try to hold that.

No. You need to understand if a woman is putting herself out there online, dressed wrong, acting wrong, talking wrong, you know, trying to get attention, well, she's fishing. And that kind of bait only catches a certain kind of man and it's not a righteous man. A righteous man wouldn't take that bait, but you took that bait. So that should tell you something about yourself and the state that you're in.

Turns out you need Nasiha as much as she does, and it makes as much sense for her to advise you as it would for you to advise her, because you're the same.

You're both wrong. But I'll

go even deeper than that. The truth is when you see a Muslim woman who's dressing or acting inappropriately online, you see a woman who has not been raised right. You see a woman who is not upon guidance. You see a woman whose wally has let her down. And that means that you see a woman who is vulnerable, and you think that that gives you an advantage.

This is the predatory instinct of men when it's not kept in check. You see a woman, exposing her body online, say, and that instinct kicks in to where you see her as unprotected, you see her as undefended, you see her as easy prey, you see her as someone who has issues, you know. A woman with emotional and psychological issues, all of those issues are, you think, are levers that you can manipulate to get her under your thumb. And maybe they are, but you have a bad intention. And that bad intention comes from you having your own emotional and psychological issues, and more importantly, it comes from you having issues in your iman.

Because like I said, a righteous brother would just scroll right past that, you know. I don't want anything to do with a woman who who who acts like that, who dresses like that, who talks like that. He's not gonna slide into her DMs to quote unquote save her. She's not his problem, and he doesn't want her to be his problem. And again, let me tell you that save your complex is just gonna get you tied up and dragged down into the turmoil of her life until you're lucky if you can even escape with your dean at all.

Because, again, the fact of the matter is that you're wrong already and you're attracted to wrong already. So how's that gonna turn out right?

Did you ever try to

go up a staircase backwards? You know, going upstairs while looking downstairs? No. If you're going up, you're looking up, not down. You look the direction you're going.

I'll say that again. You look the direction that you are going. So watch where you're looking. And also let me say, all of us Muslim brothers, all of us, we're trusting each other. You know?

All the Walees, all the fathers, all the husbands, all the brothers, we're trusting you. You know, we're doing the best we can with the women that we are trying to take care of. And we want them to be happy and we want them to be safe. So we're trusting you to leave them alone. Okay.

If they're not acting right, you ought to assume that they they have a father or a brother or whoever who's working on it. But he's trusting that people like you will give his daughter or his sister or what have you the space to do his job and not pounce on her before he gets the chance, you know. If she's not right, there's someone who loves her who's probably, struggling to try to make her right. Praying for her guidance, praying for her to get past this phase that she's going through. Just like you, she needs to work through, whatever it is that's making her misbehave or be disobedient to Allah.

And she needs the chance and needs her to have that chance for that to happen. Not not to have someone like you come along and interfere. So please just look away and walk away and stay away. You know, if you don't think that a woman should be on the Internet, then don't marry a woman who's on the internet. If you don't think that she should go to the gym then don't marry a woman who goes to the gym.

Why are you interacting with women who aren't the way that you think a woman should be? It's very simple. And like I said, if you find yourself all the time commenting or DMing women who aren't the type of woman that you think a woman should be, then I have news for you. That's your type and that means you need to do some self reflection so that you can actually become the kind of man that you wanna be.